Book of the Month: Non-binary and PTSD

This time, our Book of the Month is Sage, who has been publishing at the Human Library for over six years. Based in Northern California, they joined our library after being introduced to it at their workplace. In our conversation with Sage, we discussed not only what it is like to be non-binary and live with PTSD in today’s world but also how their experience of getting published on our Bookshelf has been so far.

Changing a Worldview in 30 Minutes

Our first question for Sage was whether or not they believe that a person’s worldview can be changed in a 30-minute conversation, just like the ones we experience at the Human Library.

“I hope people aren’t so set in their beliefs that they can’t be moved by someone else’s truth. I don’t know whether I have seen it happen myself. Most of the people I’ve talked to have been really interested in what I have to say, and I think this is actually part of why I do the Human Library. I hope one day I can do that with my 30 minutes—change someone’s worldview, make them think a little bit differently, and be a little more open.”

The visit by the Human Library to Sage’s workplace evoked a profound experience for them because they felt included and represented. Bringing up topics that are not usually discussed at the workplace, our Books inspired Sage to apply to become one as well.

For Sage, the experience of publishing at the Human Library has been transformative. “It’s been amazing,” they say, reflecting on their journey. “Especially with my PTSD, because there was a point in time where I didn’t know if what I was remembering had actually happened. So, being able to talk about it kind of made it a little more concrete, and I started feeling like I am telling my story rather than trying to picture something that happened to me.”

They also find that Readers’ questions help them reflect on their experiences in new ways. “I get some really interesting questions that make me think about things I hadn’t even considered.”

Embracing a Non-Binary Identity

Only a few years ago, Sage realized that the label “non-binary” suited them best. It was during the pandemic that they had a unique opportunity for self-reflection and change.

“I started thinking about what I really wanted to express through my appearance. I stopped dressing a certain way to please others and instead focused on what felt like me. Getting top surgery also helped because it allowed me to feel more confident and less automatically perceived as feminine, which was a big thing for me.”

What originally brought Sage to rethink their gender was the fact that they didn’t feel like they fit into any of the two dominant gender categories in their workplace.

“During the pandemic, I decided to change everything at work. My name changed, my pronouns changed, and I got to do all of that just sitting at my computer. Once we went back to meeting in person, everyone already knew me as Sage with ‘they, them’ pronouns, so that made it a lot easier.”

As non-binary identities are still not as common in our society, it is natural that people often misunderstand them or do not use the correct language. However, what makes the difference for Sage is when they see others being considerate and trying to learn.

“In the beginning, I would sometimes get my own pronouns wrong. I would get my name wrong. It takes time. I wouldn’t get offended by a person misusing my pronouns as long as they are trying to learn.”

Facing Challenges and Finding Support

During our interview, Sage appeared so calm and confident in being themselves that it almost seemed like there were no challenges on their journey of embracing their non-binary identity. However, not everyone in their life has been accepting of it. “My family is conservative and religious. The conversations we had about gender were difficult, but they helped me to grow.”

By the time Sage started identifying as non-binary, they already had a husband and a child, but both of them accepted Sage for who they are without questioning it. Their child has actually been the biggest supporter, especially during those difficult discussions in the family.

“After our first conversation about me being non-binary, my kid, at that time around the age of seven or eight, started immediately correcting family members whenever they would use the wrong pronouns. Furthermore, my husband realized I was non-binary before I did. He knew things were changing. Before I could even talk to him, he said he knew it and loved me anyway.”

Evolving Perspectives on Gender

What is quite specific about Sage’s story is that they are also a parent of a person who identifies as trans. This experience has further deepened Sage’s understanding of gender identity, especially because it showed them new ways of thinking about it.

“I went through my own journey with gender identity, which is very different from what my kid went through. For me, it was all about rejecting labels, but for my child, claiming a label was empowering. I’ve learned that gender identity is deeply personal, and what works for one person may not work for another.”

Talking to Sage, a non-binary Book living in the U.S., we also wanted to ask how they feel impacted by the current political debate around gender, considering the new government and many new policies being applied.

“There’s a lot more stress and anxiety in my life because there’s a lot of talk about things changing. I haven’t experienced particular changes yet, but I worry a lot. I’m co-chair of the Diversity & Inclusion committee at my library, and there’s a question of whether or not we will be able to continue that. I’m also on a trans Advocacy Committee at the campus, and I find the work really important. But with all the rhetoric going around right now, it becomes a little overwhelming sometimes.”

Sage is not only worried about their own efforts promoting diversity and inclusion but also cares about their kid’s safety.

“I am worried about my kid and the school they go to. I mean, the school is great. We started the Genders and Sexualities Alliance group there, and the teachers are supportive as well. But that doesn’t mean the other kids aren’t talking about things they’ve heard on TV or from their parents, or being disrespectful.”

Why Diversity Matters

Touching upon the current political situation, we were also curious to hear what shifts Sage would like to see happening in the current political debate, based on their own experience.

“We were already making progress. For example, we had an ‘X’ gender marker option. Now, that’s being rolled back. I still have mine, but I worry about how it will affect me when I travel.”

Sage also highlights the importance of informed discussions. “For example, the debate on trans athletes shows how much misinformation is out there. People repeat things that ‘sound right’ without researching. People believe what aligns with their worldview. And with education in decline, especially in the U.S., many don’t have the skills to find reliable sources.”

Through the Human Library, Sage hopes to help counter misinformation, challenge biases, and open new perspectives for their Readers as well as for themselves.

“I honestly think that diversity, equity, and inclusion are some of the most important things in life, and even in business. There are studies showing that if you have diversity in a group, it might take them a little longer to get on the same wavelength and get going, but they will be able to achieve so much more than a more homogeneous group that’s put together.”

We are excited to have Sage as a Book on our Bookshelf and continue publishing their story. You can borrow them at learning sessions we organize for workplaces or at in-person events happening in Northern California.